Saturday, February 14, 2009

in each of its chapters, life takes on new flavors. tonight I thought to myself, right now I'm just trying to follow God's will in my life without going crazy. I also thought, where I am in life right now will bear much fruit. perhaps it does so even now. I know I am doing the right thing by being here, but that doesn't mean that it is easy or that I feel "together" or "with it" or "in control." On the contrary, I often feel like life is spinning just a bit beyond of my control. Doing the right thing does not always make one feel more "together." If anything, it can make one feel the opposite way, because we're aiming at something that's quite difficult to hit, and our lives ends up showing their ragged edges in the process. by aiming at what is right, good, and our bounden duty, we see ever more clearly and painfully the ways in which we do not measure up. But we mustn't let that awareness of our shortcomings discourage us. Awareness itself is a step in the right direction, because then we see where we need God all the more than ever before; then we start to see the direction in which we need to head... we begin to see the way that is before us, in which we are called to walk. Then we are able to call out, O God, make speed to save me; O Lord, make haste to help me.